Overheard this morning:
Father: “You are old enough to put your shoes on by yourself. You are eight.”
Son: “What if I was four?”
Father: “If you were four I would help you.”
Son: Then the solution is time travel!
I think my three year old watches too many episodes of bachelor with me... he got in trouble today and then said: Mom, can I walk you out?
Hailey (5): “Mommy, this morning I started off on the wrong foot.”
Me: “Oh yeah? Which foot would that be?”
Hailey: The one that’s not thinking straight.
Momma, look, I’m doing a rollersault!
— Louisa, 3-year-old, performing her first somersault.
Grandma, why are you worn?
— Leon, my 5-year-old grandchild, while stroking the wrinkles on my face.
Thomas (10): “Do you know Michelangelo?”
Me (impressed & intrigued): “…”
Thomas: You know, from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!
Mama, do you know Donald Trumpet? I voted for the girl!
— Taïs, age 6.
Grandma, why can’t I put orange soda in my porridge?
— Jori, age 5.
NKL (7): “Dad, vegetables taste reaaally bad, they s*** big time!”
Me: “Why do you talk like this?!”
NKL: Hmm… because I’m honest?
Dad, where are his batteries?
— my son, after playing for a while with a Jack Russell puppy.
Liver must be good for vegetarians!
— after hearing that liver contains a lot of protein.
Me: “Are you asleep?”
Anna (7): YES!
Mommy, mommy, look! A horse!
— a 3- or 4-year-old child seeing me walk by with my dog, a Bull Terrier (Target’s mascot).
NK (7): “Dad, I’m gonna dig a hole in the garden.”
Me: “OK”
NK: “Can I paint it black?”
Me: “Sure!”
NK: Cool! It will suck all the light around and earth will collapse into it because of, you know, gravity.
Me: “Hi baby!”
Louise (2): Me not baby, me LOUISE!
